Chastity's ZONE

I yearn to vent for the pain flows through me as it is held within. I stop to exchange
words but the words that release are not the same as the ones intended to escape, my mind
travels and i lose controle for i have not prepared my speech to you. My heart beats hard
and as i walk away i regret the fact i have not spoken what needed to be said. I get home and i
feel like there is no one to turn to, because i am not able to say the words you need to have be
known. I think for the moment as i try to calm myself down for there is plenty to live for,
so much to be seen and so many new friends to meet. I lose all my self controle in a single
moment as i know that i am not loved by as many people that are known to have said i love you.
I open up my drawer that sits beside my bed and i reach to the bottom and to my little bit
of happiness left i feel what i was seeking, the jaged edges on a silver peice of metal it
scrathes a long the drawer as i lift the knife from the bottom. I move aside my jewelry and
i lay the knife against my wrist.I start to bleed, a tear falls into the deep wound and i
forever am scarred. I feel much better though i am not healed, the scar only shows my pain!
I realize i have now done wrong with scars along my body desperately trying to fade away.
I have not succeeded in doing myself right for the pain is in me and to never escape, i
try to move on but it never goes the way it is needed to be. Though i am in love i feel the
same pain that i felt when i lost all my friends, the pain that hurts more then any pain
it is the one that made me realize if i do not do what i want now i will never be with him
for as long as i need him. That is forever. This pain haunts me, it makes me lose my self,
my controle and all i yearn for. The words finally have been ready to be released but will
they be known? That is only something that can be determined by one i can trust, there is
not many for i have searched to find the one i trust deep within, i love the one i found to
trust,he cares and he gives me all i need. For if i could say what i really care, i will
live happy forever. but though i have Spoken for a bit of what i feel it is not all, most
of the words haunt me and forever will, the cuts will be there, the scars will try to fade.
But will i in any way heal of this pain, this troubled pleasure or this insane need to feel
that i am finally one of thoughs who are loved, once and again!